Why I Believe

December 14, 2019 by jesseherrin 1 Comment

Over the past few years, I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing some of my friends, neighbors and family leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – no matter who it is or has been, it has always destroyed a little part of me inside. My wife always tells me, “You can’t let the choices of others affect your moods or actions.” I certainly wish I was built like that, but for some reason, it constantly takes a toll on me. So, I am here today to tell everybody why I believe to provide some encouragement to those in need or are searching for some sort of comfort.

Before I start, I just want to clarify to those reading, this post is NOT to try and convert anybody, prove anybody wrong, or say you’re no good if you have left the church. As we have seen in any facet of life, especially politics, you cannot simply change the opinions of others; they have to figure things out on their own through their private and personal experiences.

As many already know, I had to find my own way in developing a firm testimony of the church. It was difficult for me to understand why I had to go to church, why I had to follow guidelines in the way I lived my life, why I couldn’t have “fun” – I was obsessed with asking why – and so I carried on with life believing I could just ignore everything.

There came a point later when I could no longer ignore these internal feelings I had from the life I was living. I’d often ask myself, “If I am living the life I want, why am I not experiencing joy?” As a matter of fact, I didn’t know what joy was. It wasn’t until one evening when I decided to face my demons and do the one thing I never tried before: seek God’s will and not my own. Everything changed after this experience.

Now, I have not shared this experience often because it is very private and personal to me. I remember I had a Seminary class about how to apply the scriptures to yourself while reading. The teacher gave us an assignment to go home, pull out our scriptures, pray to God for guidance, and then open up to a random page, point to it, then see how that scripture applied to your life at that time. Up to this point, I was probably 0/30 on doing any assignment the teacher gave us as homework, but I chose to do this one. I opened up my scriptures and pointed to the verse Helaman 5:12 in the Book of Mormon which reads:

Was this a coincidence? Many people would argue it definitely was. But what I know is if it weren’t for that one day where I chose to use my faith and finally act, I never would have been in the situation to open up my scriptures on a weekday to see this specific verse that matched everything I was dealing with up to this point.

I got on my knees and for the first time in my life, I prayed seeking somebody else’s will and not my own. I prayed to confirm what I read had come from Him. I prayed to know what “joy” was and how I could obtain it. I prayed to not be scared of the life I was leaving. What proceeded after will I never, ever be able to deny. I felt the most loving, understanding and perfect presence place a hand on my back to confirm that everything would be okay if I trusted Him. I laid down on the floor in tears, exhausted, but the happiest I have ever felt in a moment in life; I felt true joy.

The more I chose to act after this experience, the more of these “coincidences” continued happening. I was filled with happiness that was not just temporary like before; I began to discover how beautiful life was.

So what has kept me going and why am I still a part of the church? Growing up, I always heard the phrase: “Primary answers – go to church, read your scriptures, and pray”. I would like to modify these just a bit because I am a firm believer that this is why I have never left the church.

1. Pray not seeking your own will
2. Read the scriptures with questions in mind
3. Go to church with a purpose

By doing the “Primary answers” with some added variation and detail, I have never fallen.

Logically, you may be able to point out hundreds of flaws about my testimony – I’ve done this. I mocked many people before for having experiences they couldn’t prove to me. But how far does logic take us? I could never figure out why I was put on Earth. I could never figure out why apples are red. I could also never figure out why Joseph Smith was involved with many things we may disagree with.

You know the biggest difference from my past to present? I stopped focusing on all the why questions and went directly to the source: God.

One of the most popular missionary scriptures that is shared to people investigating the church is found at the end of The Book of Mormon in Moroni 10:4-5

In this day and age, do we go directly to Facebook, Google or other social media platforms to seek validation about our doubts and questions? Or do we heed the promise at the end of The Book of Mormon and pray not seeking our own will?

I believe I am a pretty smart guy. But one thing I can wholeheartedly admit: I will never be smarter than God. That hand He placed on my back that one evening when I was struggling, looking for some kind of guidance, has never led me astray. In fact, the times when I do try to seek my own will, I am always reminded quickly of how fast that joy can disappear.

If my experience or words make you roll your eyes, that’s okay – I am not offended in the least. Just because I am part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints doesn’t make me any better than you or anybody around me. This is simply why I believe. And if you are struggling right now with your testimony, I hope I have provided you with some hope and insight on how I have found my way in the church and discovered an unbreakable testimony.